Akatsuki Fashion Makeover Featuring Sasuke
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Itachi is finally fed up with his little brothers poor taste in clothes and hairstyles. And now that the two brothers have patched thing up. What better person to help with the makeover than Deidara? Enjoy! Rated for language
1. Chapter 1 The Fashionistas

Akatsuki Ultimate Fashion Makeover Featuring: Sasuke

As promised here, is my first chapter to my newest Akatsuki installment. Prepare to laugh a lot! I hope you enjoy it. Much Love, AkiraDawn

I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.

Some background….

After Itachi had purchased a snow globe for his little brother and they reconciled their differences….they decided it was appropriate to spend some more time together. However, there is no way in hell they are all of a sudden going to get along. It would take time to mend this rocky relationship….and a completely new wardrobe.

"Itachi, this is the second greatest day of our lives, yeah." Deidara's eyes sparkled. Sasori was in the kitchen dicing onions for their lunch…he hated it when Deidara's eyes sparkled.

"You mean other than the day we did our calendar shoot?" Itachi asked.

"Yes! I just got off the phone with my dad and get this….Dior is looking for 2 male models to try on all the samples that are sent to the store from France, yeah. And, and….." Deidara paused and took a deep breath. "The pay is great, and the models…..get….to keep…..the clothes………yeah." Deidara was shaking slightly.

"You're kidding….oh my god…Deidara you wouldn't lie about Christian Dior would you?" Itachi said seriously.

"Itachi, have I ever lied to you about designer clothes before, yeah?" Deidara said just as seriously.

"Oh….my….god….this is like my ultimate fantasy coming true. Deidara….do you think we can wear the samples?""

"I know we can wear the samples, yeah." There was then a dramatic long pause.

"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" The screaming was deafening. Just then Tobi ran in to the living room and started screaming with them for no reason.

"Shut up! Shut up all of you! My god!" Sasori yelled from the kitchen. "No one and I mean no one could possibly get that excited over designer clothes!" Sasori insisted still stirring onions.

"Okay, Deidara we need to build our resume and go there in person like…..NOW! We have got to get that job. Oh my god….this is too great." Itachi said completely ignoring Sasori.

"Wait, Itachi, we can't go there now. You're brother is coming over here, remember, yeah? He's going to try on all those clothes we're getting rid of. And you promised him we'd work on that awful hair of his, yeah." Deidara said.

"Damn! I knew patching things up with him would somehow come around to bite me in the ass!" Itachi hissed.

"Itachi relax and let's do this with your brother today. Besides, are you forgetting who my dad is, yeah. He has major pull downtown with all the designers. You know he will get us in, yeah." Deidara said. Itachi agreed.

"Yeah, your dad does have a lot of pull in the fashion world. I guess we'll spend time with Sasuke today." Itachi wasn't thrilled but Sasuke would be arriving in no time. Itachi went into their bedroom to get the huge box of pricey clothes that Sasuke would be trying on. Once Itachi drug the clothes into the middle of the living room, Deidara soon arrived with a Fendi bag full of hair care products, toners, moisturizers and tons of other crap.

"Is that Dana's cosmetic bag?" Itachi asked.

"No, it's actually Marisol's, yeah. Oh my god, didn't you love those shoes she wore to dinner the other night, yeah? Prada's latest style she's trying to get Dana a pair, yeah." Itachi didn't answer right away.

"You know, I'm going to have to go with Sasori on this one…that's like the gayest thing you have ever said….but yeah I did like those shoes."

"That is so not gay, yeah! I say that from a 100 percent male perspective….besides….I licked the inside of her thigh with my hand after I looked at her shoes under the table, yeah."

"Hmmm, well that makes it okay then." Itachi said.

"Hey, listen while you two are playing dress up, me, Kisame, Zetsu, and everyone else are going grocery shopping and running errands. Do you two want anything?" Sasori said finishing up in the kitchen.

"Oh! I want some low fat granola bars!" Itachi said.

"Here, go to the cleaners and pick up my stuff, yeah. I have 2 shirts, pants, a dress of Dana's, my dad's 3 scarves that I dropped in the sink, and a cashmere sweater, yeah. Oh and hold on…here's 40 dollars, it will be a big bill, yeah. Oh and can you stop by the Paul Mitchell salon and get us some shine serum…wait never mind…Marisol can get that…okay well will you go…."

"No, we wont' give us the dry cleaning money and we're leaving!" Sasori insisted. So everyone left, and it wasn't much longer that there was a knock at the door….it was Sasuke.

"Hey, come in." Itachi said with no expression.

"Look, do we really have to do this?" Sasuke asked a little intimidated when he saw the giant pile of clothes.

"Sasuke, I'm sexy….I'm real sexy…and you'll never look as good as me. But I'm looking at you now….and that look screams 'god I'll never be hot.' Phase one….lose the purple." Itachi snapped his fingers. " Deidara…"

And thus, the fashion makeover began…..


	2. Chapter 2 What Not to Wear

"Oh good god, look at this wretched outfit! Shit, Sasuke why? This damn kimono is what…is it white? Is it cream? NO! It's neither! It's CRAP! Get it off!" Itachi demanded.

"I'm not just going to undress right here." Sasuke told him. Itachi glared.

"Oh…my…god….you're wearing those awful old man underwear aren't you? AREN'T YOU! The ridiculously tight white piece of crap things with the horrid waist band!? Sasuke! Don't' you lie to me…I'm your fucking brother! ANSWER ME!" There was a long silence. Itachi was on the verge of a complete freak out. "Oh my god….he's not answering…oh my god...I…Deidara…I need headache medicine…do something." Itachi quickly bolted down the hall. Deidara seemed a little mortified.

"Listen, I'm saying this as…your fashion consultant, yeah. Your style already sucks, and if you really are wearing what I think you are underneath that kimono and poorly fitting black pants….you're never going to have any respect, yeah." Deidara said nearly ready to cry.

"Well, Oro…."

"No, no, no, yeah. No Orochimaru. Do you have any idea how poorly he dressed when he was with us, yeah? Oh god! Purple EVERYWHERE, yeah. See that's your problem, you've been dressing like him. Now, lets start by you losing the purple belt….thing and the stupid ugly kimono and why don't you try on…" Deidara paused and dug through the box. He gasped. "Here, try on this Calvin Klein sweater. Itachi wore this a lot, but now it's so two seasons ago, yeah. Perfect starter sweater for you!" Deidara sat back and waited.

"Shit, Deidara where are my rage pills….WHERE ARE THEY! I've been cutting back but right now…I need like all of them….oh god he so can't pull that off!" Itachi said disgusted looking at the sweater on his little brother. "And here, make him put on any…ANY of the boxers in this box. We're getting rid of this box anyway."

"Yeah, you're right. And even those wretched Olive ones from Wal-Mart that Kisame gave you thinking you would actually wear, yeah."

"Okay, any of them EXCEPT those." Itachi said still digging through cabinets looking for the rage pills.

"Okay, Sasuke. Pick anything out of this box go change those wretchedly sinful underwear of yours and get your ass back in here and I'll have something else for you try on, yeah." Deidara ordered. Sasuke did as he was instructed, so now he was stripped down to his newly acquired underclothes.

"Now, here, put this on. This is a ribbed short-sleeved Spring 05 shirt from Dolce and Gabbana. It's smooth cotton finish fits close to the body, yeah. Try it with these black DKNY jeans. Colored jeans were in last season, yeah! Oh wait! Here, this belt goes with all that, yeah." Sasuke reluctantly got dressed. Itachi had come back to the couch to examine his brother. Sasuke stood there self consciously.

"Deidara….why are the pants so baggy? They didn't look like that on me." Deidar studied Sauske.

"I don't know….those pants look awful on him. The shirt's okay, yeah."

"Um, why does this shirt have to fit so tightly?" Sasuke asked.

"DON'T TUG AT IT!" Deidara and Itachi screamed at him.

"It looks good when it fits that tightly." Itachi glared at Sasuke. "Sasuke, lose the jeans they sicken me." Itachi said. "Oh! Give him those hot white summer pants. The Marc Jacobs pants." Deidara dug the pants out as directed.

"Itachi, I don't think…"

"Uh buh buh buh! No, you are done thinking. Now, WE are your brains. You are the subject." Itachi commanded. Sasuke changed pants as instructed. Once changed Deidara and Itachi looked at one another.

"Well, those pants are a little better. Of course we're not in the appropriate season, yeah. Hey, make him put on that orange Diesel long sleeved shirt, yeah." Deidara said.

"Oooooh, nice idea." Itachi reassured. "Oh and Sasuke, get that hot studded belt.'

"Why are you guys getting rid of all these nice clothes if you like them so much?" Sasuke asked changing tops.

"Two reasons…some of those tops have some….stains we couldn't get out…and they are so two seasons ago." Itachi said. Once Sasuke was dressed, Itachi studied him.

"Well, there is definitely something wrong with your hips because those pants fit a lot hotter than that, but I have to say the style for you has improved vastly since you walked in the door. Okay, here's what we'll do. Deidara going to work on that horrid hair of yours and I'm going to go through those clothes some more and coordinate some outfits that will make you worthy of being my brother." Itachi insisted.

"You know, I don't understand why I have to change my clothes AND my hair." Sasuke said.

"Uh, maybe it's because your clothes and your hair….suck, yeah." Deidara said. "And oh god, now that I look at you, your skin could use some serious attention, yeah. Have you ever considered a balancing toner, yeah?"

"What the hell's wrong with my skin!? Sasuke was upset.

"Well, first off you have an oily T zone, secondly, you need to balance the Ph levels around your chin and neck, yeah. Lastly, how many times a week do you shave because you may want to consider a skin conditioning after shave, yeah." Sasuke blinked a few times.

"You're…..really odd."

"No, as you can see, I have nicely balanced and moisturized skin, yeah. YOU need guidance and your brother and I give excellent guidance when it comes to skin care, yeah." Sasuke sighed.

"Fine." He agreed to get some skin care tips. It was going to be a long day…..


	3. Chapter 3 The Skin Care War

"Now, this is a lightweight facial cleanser, yeah. It won't irritate skin yet it exfoliates well, yeah." Deidara said holding up the first facial care product.

"Do you use this?" Sasuke asked.

"No, my girlfriend does, yeah. She has more sensitive skin than I do, yeah."

"So what do you use?" Sasuke wondered.

"Patience, inexperienced one, yeah!" Deidara scolded.

"This is a Ph balanced cleanser, it's great to keep skin looking young and radiant, yeah."

"So, is that what use?" Sasuke asked.

"That's what you use?" Sasuke asked.

"No, my girlfriend uses this, yeah. Now this cleanser is perfect for…"

"Is your girlfriend friends with Itachi's girlfriend?" Sasuke interrupted.

"Yes, anyway this cleanser is perfect for deep cleansing yet has…"

"So…since they're friends and you and Itachi are friends does that mean you all do stuff together?" Sasuke interrupted again. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sometimes…alright this cleanser has a gentle residual side effect, yeah. This is what I use. And I follow it up…..

"So, okay I know Itahci's slept with his girlfriend, have you slept with your girlfriend too?

"Oh my god! Do you never shut up, yeah!? Just shut up for 12 seconds so I can tell you that I follow my facial treatments up with this soothing aloe moisturizer, yeah!!!! Oh my god! You can be really annoying! And to answer your question….yes!" Deidara let out a long sigh of frustration. "Now, we really should discuss an aftershave…please tell me you do shave at least once a week, yeah?"

"Well, yeah." Sasuke said somewhat annoyed by this comment.

"Okay, the secret to never, ever getting a knick from a razor is this fabulous, ultra smooth Kenneth Cole aftershave. The scent is fresh and never heavy, yeah." Deidara's eyes sparkled. There was a moment of silence.

"The bottom of that bottle says 88 dollars." Deidara glared.

"Is it worth 88 dollars to you to have smooth, kissably soft skin, yeah?"

"Not really." Sasuke answered.

"You don't even know the words that come out of your mouth, yeah! You'll wish you had kissably soft skin when you find someone to kiss you, yeah! Itachi! Your brother is resisting the skin care, yeah!" Itachi stormed back into the room.

"What!? What do you mean?" Itachi demanded.

"He's knocking the Kenneth Cole aftershave, yeah. Says it's not worth 88 dollars to look good, yeah." Deidar said.

"Oh my god! No fucking brother of mine knocks Kenneth Cole! Have you shown him the eucalyptus skin repair serum?" Deidara sighed.

"Itachi, do you really think he's receptive enough for that, yeah?"

"Hmmm….good point. Sasuke! Get in the bathroom now! You are going to use our toner/moisturizer/aftershave and you are going to like it! Besides, look at how stressed your skin is, god!"

"Itachi, I'm just not…"

"No, no, no! First, you are MY brother, and as my brother you are going to live up to the Uchiha name….that means your fashion sense can't suck ass, your skin has to be properly balanced, and your hair can't look like you stuck your fucking finger in an electrical socket!!!"

"Itachi, your eyes are really red right now, yeah." Deidara said.

"Sorry, sorry…I'm not going to go apeshit on him…I just want him to go cleanse that horribly textured skin…..NOW!" Itachi pointed to their bathroom. "And don't come out until Deidara shows you the proper cleansing order! Next we work on that hairstyle….god you've had it since you were like 5!" This would be a good place for Dana and Marisol to make a grand entrance. As Itachi shoved his brother down the hall with Deidara, Dana let herself and Marisol in.

"Hi!" Dana called as they walked in.

"God, I am so glad you are here." Itachi said quickly sweeping her up in his arms. I'm ready to beat the fuck out of my brother and Deidara is in the bathroom trying to teach him about skin care."

"Ooooh, is this the day you were going to quote: 're-evaluate his lame K-Mart Halloween costume ass', yeah?"

"Yes, honey."

"How's that going, yeah?" Dana wondered.

"It's like….shoving a watermelon through a funnel." Itachi said. Dana blinked several times. You could tell by the look on her face she was confused.

"That's weird, that's what my mom told me having a baby was like, yeah. I never thought a makeover would hurt as much as having a baby, yeah." Dana said seriously.

"Yeah, I mean my mom said she would rather have her vagina waxed 100 times than have another baby….I didn't think makeovers were that bad…of course I've never had one." Marisol looked equally confused. Itachi sighed.

"You know, let's just forget it for now." he said releasing Dana. "Marisol, I like that dress…..Calvin Klein?"

"Yeah, Dana's dad picked it out." She said. It wasn't much longer that Deidara returned with Sasuke and his newly cleansed face.

"Marisol! Hi, sweetie, yeah." Deidara threw Sasuke at Itachi and went over to hug her. "Oh my god! I forgot to tell you, my dad wants to take pictures of you this week, yeah." Deidara said with gleaming eyes. Marisol didn't say anything at first.

"Oh my god, Deidara I so didn't think your dad was like that. I mean I know he's around a lot of beautiful women, but I thought he was crazy about your mom. And I never thought he was into any of Dana's friends." She said seriously.

"Oh god! No! No Marisol! Not the kind of pictures I took of you, yeah. I mean the ones he's going to take to Milano with him, yeah!" Deidara said frantically.

"Ooooooooooooh, so he wants to take like my headshots and stuff this week. Oh! Okay well I can do it any day except Saturday because I have 4 appointments at the salon Saturday." Marisol said excited.

"Good, well call him later and set something up, yeah. Oh! And since you're here, you can help us work on Sasuke's hair, yeah." Deidara said.


	4. Chapter 4 You're What?

"You know I can't believe that I got such a sweet….oh my god this is not happening." Sasori said as he looked into the living room only to see hair care products and designer clothes strung all over the apartment living room.

"Shit, Sasori, seriously this is kind of creepy." Hidan said popping his head over Sasori's shoulder.

"Dude, I have to say he's starting to look a little better." Kisame said. Everyone else started to filter into the apartment while Marisol took a flat iron to Sasuke's overly spiky hair.

"What are you doing to his head?" Zetsu asked putting groceries down in the kitchen.

"Kisame, look at his head it's a spiky wreck and honestly, this flat iron isn't taming anything." Marisol said slightly discouraged. Deidara and Itachi looked at Sasuke's wild head.

"You're right, maybe he should go wash it so you can restyle it, yeah." Deidara suggested.

"How about all of you clear a spot on the living room couch so I can put all of my phone numbers into my new CRZR phone." Sasori said, delighted with his new phone purchase.

"Sasori, it's not always about you! Can't you see we are into a serious project here. I mean god, look at my brother! He's a nightmare but at least we've found a nice shirt that works for him.

"I think he looks good! Do me next! Do me next! Do me next!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Has Tobi taken his hyperactive medicine today?" Itachi asked.

"I'll check the cabinet." Kakuzu said.

"So, while you're trying to make your little brother something he's not, what are the rest of us supposed to do?" Zetsu asked.

"I don't know! Go get some lunch!" Itachi was getting frustrated.

"Itachi, that's why we went to Kroger, so we wouldn't' have to get any lunch." Kisame said.

"Would you quit drying my head like that?" Sasuke whined as Marisol quickly rubbed Sasuke's head dry.

"Just sit down and hold still so I can use the hairdryer on you." She said patiently.

"Wow that shampoo smells really nice." Hidan said.

"Doesn't it though, oh god when Deidara has just washed his hair, I'm on him like a horny….I mean…..it's made with 100 percent natural fruit extracts." Marisol said quickly. Sasuke's hair was now an ultimate tragedy because it was sticky up all over the place in a complete spike-fest.

"Okay, Deidara, I'm going to need the leave in conditioner, the shine serum, the hair dryer, the air directive attachment, the flat iron, and the comb in styling mouse." Marisol instructed. Deidara gave her the desired items.

"You know this is actually somewhat entertaining, Kakuzu, pop some popcorn let's watch this boy become a man, seriously." Hidan instructed. Marisol went to work on the hair while Itachi continued going through their clothes until he found at least 2 outfits for Sasuke's fashion deprived life. Marisol got the hairdryer going as she guided Sasuke's hair exactly where she wanted it. Meanwhile, Itachi kept holding colors and patterns up to Sasuke's face. Marisol acted like she knew exactly what she was doing…and she did. Once she had his hair directed where she wanted it she used the flat iron for extra security. Now it was time for shine serum and leave in styling mouse. This would be a delicate process.

"Am I going to look gay?" Sasuke asked.

"No, trust me, I do this for a living. Besides, you actually have nice hair after you get out of the spikey forest." Marisol said.

"Is it s soft and supple as mine?" Itachi demanded.

"No, Itachi, you have a much smoother texture." Marisol reassured him.

"Well, it's a good thing!" he said. After a few more grueling minutes Marisol revealed the finished product.

"Well, what do you think? Marisol said getting up from the couch and showing off Sasuke's hair. "I know how he's into those layers so I pulled them forward around his face in an asymmetrical line. I let him keep a few spikes in the back but only the ones that were short and not fussy. I used the shine serum in the front where the light catches the most. It would be nice if I would have had some extensions to put him because he really could use some length on that hair." Marisol said. "So? How do you like it?" Marisol's blue eyes sparkled. Sasuke looked in the mirror Marisol had pushed in front of his face.

"Hmmm….you know….I really don't think Orochimaru will like this new look. I mean I'm so….up to date and…god I feel like girls would be attracted to this and Orochimaru isn't really into me socializing." Sasuke said nervous about this look. Itachi was about to blow a gasket. His eyes were burning red and Deidara was glaring at Sasuke unamused by his resistance to fine fashion.

"Sasuke! You shut the hell up and listen to me! Orochimaru is like 50 years old and he has no sense of style….NONE! God, look at Kabuto and what he wears! And you know what Orochimaru is really holding you back you could be in a really tight social circle but no! You think that being Orochimaru's bitch is more important! Sasuke, take this Armani Exchange shirt and these pants and get in front of that mirror and TRY IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides! We haven't even covered fragrances or accessories yet! God! What are you waiting for!?!?!?!?" Itachi screamed with clenched fists. Sasuke swallowed hard.

"I….uh….I'm not really into fashion. I appreciate you spending quality time with me and trying, but….I just don't get it….why I need to look good." Sasuke said slightly frightened.

"Here it comes." Zetsu said knowing Sasuke's fate. There was a long pause, all eyes were on Sasuke.

"You know what I am very disappointed in you. In fact I'm so fucking pissed off right now, I don't really know what to say." To keep from lashing out and killing his brother, Itachi simply left the room. He really needed his cool down period. Deidara stared angrily at Sasuke.

"Well….Sasuke…if you aren't into fashion….what are you into, yeah?" Deidara asked with arms folded across his chest.

"Uuuuh….well…..I like power and control…oh and vengeance, yeah that's my thing. But you know, I think I could get into the shampoo you made me use." Sasuke said tentatively. Deidara glared.

"At 24 dollars per 12 ounce bottle…you bet your ass you could get into that shampoo, yeah." And with that Deidara flipped his head around and walked away. Now Sasuke was alone with Marisol and Dana.

"Was it something I said?" He asked Marisol.

"Well, they did spend a lot of time on you. And Itachi really wanted to bond with you." Marisol told him.

"You know…we could have gone to shoot pool or something." Sasuke said.

Oh my god, you're into pool, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Oh, kind of. Orochimaru has a pool table in his basement, sometimes Kabuto and I play. Do you play?" Sasuke asked Dana.

"Oh god, Marisol, I so never told you about the time at Nicole's party when Itachi and I…" Dana paused, she realized Itachi had probably not shared this story with Sasuke, and it was the kind of story every older brother should share with his younger brother. "You know, I think I'll just tell you what happened later, yeah." Dana said.

"Dana, does it involve a pool table and the fact that you had that odd red burn on your back?" Marisol asked.

"Yeah." Dana said.

"Girl, then you don't have to tell me anything. God, you were so drunk that night. You should have known that banging him on a pool table would leave you with horrible fabric burns." Marisol had said too much because Sasuke was now staring at Dana with wide eyes.

"I know I was, but oh god wasn't that night so much fun, yeah." Dana said.

"Wait! Wait! Wait! You had sex with my brother on a pool table?!" Sasuke's voice as slightly high and squeaky." Dana and Marisol looked at him blankly.

"What like it's weird, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Well…..yeah!" Sasuke squeaked.

"Oh my god, Dana I so think he's like a virgin and stuff." Marisol said. Dana thought for a moment.

"You mean like that Madonna song, yeah?"

"No, I mean like I don't think he's ever had sex…oh my god…maybe he's never even kissed anyone." Both the girls looked at Sasuke.

"Sasuke, are you a virgin?" Marisol asked calmly. Sasuke sighed.

"Yes." He answered.

"Oooooooh." Both girls said in unison. "Dana, this goes deeper than we thought, no wonder he isn't into Dolce and Gabbana…it's just too sexy for him!" Marisol said. "Quick, get Itachi out here, Dana. We need reinforcements." Marisol said softly.

"Itachi! Get out here! We need you, yeah!" Dana yelled.


	5. Chapter 5 Disappointment

"Well, is he cured of this sick sick problem of not wanting to look hot!" Itachi demanded.

"Not really, come here I have to tell you something, yeah." Dana said. Sasuke bit his lip nervously as Dana whispered into Itachi ear.

"WHAT!!!!! YOU'RE WHAT!?!?!?!?!?" Itachi's eyes turned blood red. "You lied to me!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't want you to beat my ass! I knew you would if I told you the truth!" Sasuke whined. Itachi glared.

"Foolish…..little…..brother…..no one EVER lies to ME about SEX."

"See, Itachi this is why we can't talk, you get so pissed off." Sasuke said.

"I do NOT get pissed off! I only get pissed off when my stupid younger brother lies to me about sleeping with a 17-year old brunette! You….are….so….god! I can't even describe how low that is."

"But….why is whether or not I'm a virgin so important?" Sasuke asked. Itachi took a deep breath.

"Because now I realize that you and I can never bond over topics that brothers are supposed to bond over. You and I can never have those late night talks about how nervous we were the first…." Itachi was interrupted by Deidara poking his shoulder.

"Um, Itachi. Sasori called 'the leader' and he's been on speaker phone the entire time listening to all this, yeah. He knows we tried to do a makeover and was unsuccessful, yeah."

"What's your point, Deidara?" Itachi asked getting even more frustrated.

"He wants to talk to you, yeah." Deidara handed Itachi Sasori's new blue slim CRAZR. "Hey 'the leader' what's going on?" Itachi took the call.

"Itachi, I can hear by what's going on you have a bit of a situation on your hands." 'The Leader' said. Itachi sighed.

"Yes, god, it's like Sasuke didn't even have good parenting or something! 'The Leader' you've got to understand….HE WON'T WEAR THE SEXY CLOTHES! And, he and I will never be able to talk about the wonders of pleasing a woman! Why? Because he's never even looked at one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Itachi, have you taken your medicine today?" 'The Leader' asked.

"Yes, I doubled up because I got so fucking angry at him!" Itachi answered.

"Itachi, calm down, take a couple deep breaths, if you need to make Tobi fix you a cappuccino. Here's the next step, get Sasuke out of your apartment and send him back to Orochimaru with a box of clothes and an index card with your phone number….if he ever comes around, he'll know how to reach you.

"Oh! 'The Leader'! You have solutions to everything! Okay, thanks , his ass is out!" Itachi said and flipped Sasori's phone shut. "Tobi! Get in here!" Tobi hurried into the living room. "Tobi, fix me, Dana, Deidara and Marisol a cappuccino, low fat milk, sugar free caramel flavoring, get us the most recent issue of 'In Style' from the mailbox and please see my foolish little brother to the door."

"Hey, Tobi, I'm not into fashion, but I'll take a cappuccino too." Sasori added.

"Okay, Itachi, I'm on it. Here I go!" Tobi got busy.

"Itachi….I won't lie to you anymore….but I think this would be a good time to tell you that I also lied to you about eating New York Style cheesecake…I've never had it.

"TOBI GET HIM OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi screamed. Tobi shoved Sasuke out the door with a box of clothes that Itachi and Deidara were going to get rid of. Itachi had to hold his head in order to keep from punching a wall. Dana to the rescue…..

She did what any perfect blonde girlfriend would do; she put her arms around him. "Itachi, would you like to send Tobi to get a cheesecake, yeah?" Itachi wrapped his arms around her.

"You mean the ultra creamy kind from that bakery down the street?"

"Yeah." Dana said resting her head on his shoulder.

"The kind with the strawberry topping that you are free to pour in any desired amount?" Itachi said peacefully.

"That's the kind, yeah."

"Can I lick the strawberry topping off your fingers?" Itachi asked her.

"Of course you can, yeah." Dana said sweetly.

"Tobi! Go get us a cheesecake while you're at it!"

"Okay, Itachi, I'm on it, I'm right on it! Here I go!" Tobi left the cappuccino supplies strung out everywhere and ran out the door to get a cheesecake.

"This has been a stressful afternoon, yeah." Deidara said to Marisol.

"Yeah, I don't understand it. You he could look nice, if he would just try." Marisol said reassuringly.

"You're right, yeah. And you did a good job on his hair, yeah." And so Itachi, Dana, Deidara and Marisol waited for Tobi's return with the cheesecake, the magazine and the cappuccino. Kisame came into the living room when he caught the scent of coffee supplies. It was time to recover from the hard day's makeover.

I hope that you enjoyed this story. Look for the first chapter of my next story: Akatsuki Valentines Day! Coming very soon!


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